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| From: fish | Posted: 6/16/2004 8:52:34 PM | Options | #001 |
| 6: New User Offline |
From: Lowtax Today is a very special series of Emails of the Day courtesy of a banned forum member. You may recall the user "ejeetify" from the last Email of the Day, where he repeatedly claimed I could be sued for making fun of furry artwork, yet refused to back up his claim. He continued to explain that everybody else on the forums was wrong and he was right, despite the fact that he could not find a single example backing up his claim and never came within a 10-mile radius of a coherent though. I eventually banned him for trolling because he refused to stop claiming everybody else, including the Supreme Court, was incorrect. Well this seemed to push our good friend over the edge. From: Dan [email protected] To: [email protected] Cc: [email protected] Sent: Sunday, May 09, 2004 2:34 PM Subject: SA forums account Lowtax: I am writing you regarding the banning of my account on the Something Awful forums, ejeetify. I notice that the reason I was banned was for being a "troll." I hope you know that disagreeing with someone is not trolling. If you didn't before, you certainly should by now. Seeing as how my account was banned for a nonexistent offense, you are left with two options: you may either 1) refund the $9.95 purchase price of the account or 2) reinstate the account. Which of these you do is entirely up to you, but you must do one of them. I await your decision. Best, Dan This e-mail message is the original work of its author, who reserves all rights pertaining to its reproduction. Reproduction of this message in any medium, in whole or in part, without the express written consent of the author is strictly prohibited. Please note the very, very, very scary legal notice on the bottom. Oh no, he wrote something about copyright on the bottom of his message! That means I cannot reproduce it anywhere or else I'll be sued! By simply posting his email I am taking a very big risk here ladies and gents, and I expect him to take me to court within minutes of posting this. Do you understand the risks I take to entertain you folks? From: [email protected] To: Dan [email protected] Sent: Sunday, May 09, 2004 2:53 PM Subject: Re: SA forums account I choose option #3: use your $9.95 to buy a pizza. I felt Dan had forgotten to include an option #3, which naturally involved me using my ill-gotten gains to buy dinner. Unfortunately, Dan did not feel the same. From: Dan [email protected] To: [email protected] Cc: [email protected] Sent: Sunday, May 09, 2004 3:38 PM Subject: Re: SA forums account On Sunday, May 9, 2004, at 15:53 America/New_York, [email protected] wrote: I choose option #3: use your $9.95 to buy a pizza. I'm surprised and somewhat saddened that I have to explain that there is no option #3, considering you are supposedly a smart person. However, since it is evident that you did not understand that there are only two options—reinstate my account, or refund my money—let me reiterate: you have to choose one or the other. So go ahead and pick. You can unban me, or you can refund my money, but you have to do one. Best, Dan This e-mail message is the original work of its author, who reserves all rights pertaining to its reproduction. Reproduction of this message in any medium, in whole or in part, without the express written consent of the author is strictly prohibited. Oh no I surprised and made Dan sad by expressing my intent to purchase a pizza. And, to make matters even worse, he included that dastardly copyright notice on the bottom of his email again! This means I'm going to be sued twice. I decided to attempt a compromise with Dan; perhaps he wasn't a pizza person. From: [email protected] To: Dan [email protected] Sent: Sunday, May 09, 2004 3:50 PM Subject: Re: SA forums account Okay then I choose option #4: use your $9.95 to buy some tacos (I will buy a lot of tacos). $9.95 can buy you a LOT of tacos these days, so if Dan softened up to the idea, I was planning on asking him if he wanted a few of my tacos. Unfortunately, Dan was not budging on this issue. Perhaps it was because he was so sad and surprised by my previous email From: Dan [email protected] To: [email protected] Cc: [email protected] Sent: Sunday, May 09, 2004 5:54 PM Subject: Re: SA forums account On Sunday, May 9, 2004, at 16:50 America/New_York, [email protected] wrote: Okay then I choose option #4: use your $9.95 to buy some tacos (I will buy a lot of tacos). Again, this is not an option. Sadly, it appears that you think you can mistreat anyone if you so choose. Unfortunately, it appears that you're going to have to learn that you can't just mess with anyone, especially people with superior firepower. The choice has been yours. Best, Dan This e-mail message is the original work of its author, who reserves all rights pertaining to its reproduction. Reproduction of this message in any medium, in whole or in part, without the express written consent of the author is strictly prohibited. It became obvious to me that I was simply outfoxed at this point. There was no option #3 or #4, there were no hamburgers or pizzas, and there were now at least seven or eight possible lawsuits against me for probably a few billion dollars. Since I knew I was fighting a losing battle at this point, I just gave up; some people are simply impossible to appease. From: [email protected] To: Dan [email protected] Sent: Sunday, May 09, 2004 6:48 PM Subject: Re: SA forums account Dan, I decided to not buy tacos. I instead purchased some lettuce wraps and an order of fajitas from Chili's. The total of the order came to $17.43. Could you please purchase another forum account to cover the $7.43? Let us pretend you purchasing another account is the coveted "option #5." Thank you very much for your cooperation, and I look forward to seeing your superior firepower. Best, Dan After sending this message, I received a PM from SpokkerJones complaining about the $18 he had to spend on gas, so I attempted to help him out: From: [email protected] To: Dan [email protected] Sent: Sunday, May 09, 2004 6:52 PM Subject: Re: SA forums account Oh and forum moderator SpokkerJones said he wants you to buy him a tank of gasoline too. So purchase two accounts and maybe a custom title as well. Best, Dan So, in summary, I think I am going to be sued a few million times and this website will be shut down and my precious empire of lies will collapse because I banned "Dan" and now posted his emails on this forum. If you are reading this post Dan, and I know you are, please go easy on me and do not use all your superior firepower at once. I fear for my very life by making this post and engaging in the deadly art of "emailing Dan," so all of you forum people better appreciate the risks I take on a daily basis. PS: This forum post is the original work of its author, who reserves all rights pertaining to its reproduction. Reproduction of this message in any medium, in whole or in part, without the express written consent of the author is strictly prohibited. That means if you quote me, I will sue you. |
| From: Jay | Posted: 6/16/2004 9:21:52 PM | Options | #002 |
| 10: Elite Online |
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