The CS Chronicles.
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From: General Crap (15) | Posted: 05/19/2004 11:31:10 PM | Mark | Suggest | #0001
11:42. I had just noticed I had not played Counter Strike in thirty-six hours, something very unlike me. I felt a large hole in me as I swaggered downstairs to the computer with cable access. My grandmother complained about me getting too tall or something silly like that, and I finally sat at the computer, ready to fraginate some people. The hole had been filled, my thirst quenched, my lust for blood satisfied in this universe of perverted violence and conflict.

I entered a popular thirty-two person server, expecting a tactical game where everyone uses their brain. I enter, and it is too late. I must wait for a new game, in the process, I notice two very violent folk, name *_(EX)RAge_* and *_(EX)PREDator_*. I was anxious to get in, and finally the terrorist team has slaughtered the counter-terrorists. The score was 6-0, in favor of the ragheaded Ts.

I see someone complain about a terrorist coming at that at a hyperfast speed, and I shrug it off, it is undoubtedly a complaining n00b. I felt like a lot of action, so I purchased the Colt and Deagle. I charge across the map, and within five seconds, I see a black blip, and I am then sliced and diced. I didn't bother looking at the screen, assuming a TKer.

After a while, more and more people started complaining of these blipcore warriors slashing them to a grisly fate, much like I had received. We soon figured out the two aforementioned fighters were just the opposite.

They were hackers.

Valiantly we fought to combat these oppresive foes. They moved at such blistering fast speeds God himself would have a heart attack. Clip after clip, shell after shell, grenade after grenade, nothing seemed to hurt the sonic fast fighters. My mic was working, and my blood was pumping. I barked into the mic, "Mother fuckers, time for a hobo knife fight."

A man of my word, I pulled out my knife and was out for the L33T KREW scalps. The first few rounds, I was crushed. I soon discovered their weakness, however. After every kill was a slight pause in their movement, but how could I exploit this? I did a dishonorable thing, I'd wait for my teammates to be killed, then jump out of the shadows and go New York City hobo on their asses. Not the friendly, story telling hobo kind, either.

Sadly, my efforts were in vain. I could only kill one of the two per round, and no one else had the wits or speed to take out these predators. By this time, there were 18 terrorists and six counter-terrorists, any SEAL Team 6 member would be shaking in his kevlar.

Luckily, we had who was perhaps the greatest bomb defuser known to man. A fellow by the name of tARGEt, he managed to keep the scores close. Valiantly I fought into the night, with tARGEt hard at work.

Soon after, time had been running out. With a minute left in the match, I was still out for blood, a berzerker with no enemies but his own control. The thing to finally calm my nerves was when the hackers finalyl spoke to us, the few soldiers standing on the battlefield, and I quote, "To those of you who suffered through, and fought us off with every way you knew how, I honor you and your courage, this is a night we shall always remember." Soon afterwards, I turned around and there was a power metal band, speaking majestically when they said, "Though the night draws cold and bleak, a shadow warrior you shall seek, whether it be dusk or dawn or the brink of war, to their lives you close the door. A warrior fighting to the death with freedom his guide, for once in a lifetime memory, personal gain stepped aside."

And then I partied through the night with George Carlin.
Not I, said the rabbit.
GCBSA fo' lyfe
CKY owns your fucking soul
From: ozznova (20) | Posted: 05/19/2004 11:34:39 PM | Mark | Suggest | #0002
My mic was working, and my blood was pumping. I barked into the mic, "Mother fuckers, time for a hobo knife fight."

Thank you GC, I just spat Diet Coke onto my monitor.
<McGrue> You need messageboards?
<Sharkey> Certainly not 'need'. Probably not even want. I just occasionally have this nagging implacable emptiness that I think a message board might fill.
<Sharkey> Maybe I just need cock.
From: General Crap (15) | Posted: 05/19/2004 11:38:21 PM | Mark | Suggest | #0003
No problem.
Not I, said the rabbit.
GCBSA fo' lyfe
CKY owns your fucking soul

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